"Having children MUST make you poor. Leaving feelings and emotions out of it, it can't possibly be worth it to have children. Having a dog is easier and cheaper and just as good."
Since she is my child, I'm able to NOT poke her eyes out with anger over saying something that offends me. I gaze at her calmly as I formulate my words.
"I'm afraid you are trying to reach a conclusion by engaging in sin and you won't succeed. You MAY question God when you need clarification because your intent IS to obey Him but to question Him and declare Him wrong is NOT okay. Try this. He said, 'Be fruitful and multiply'. It's implied that any command from a good God would result in good for you. Don't question whether or not you should do it but feel free to seek out WHY He deemed it good."
Not only am I much older than she is but I'm much older than my mom was when I was my daughter's age. Plus, I've had the privilege of walking with God since before she was born. Being so elderly and wise (ha ha!), I shared with her what I thought was God's good reason for His command.
She's already aware of the "usual" answers to this issue: We're to grow God's Kingdom, we're to bring up children to glorify Him, having children is sacrificial and beautiful, etc., so why should I discuss what didn't register with her before? We continue to talk and some of this comes up...
- So, let's discuss dogs. I adore dogs. They're great. It's just that they're born great and they stay that way. Kids get better and better and the process is an absolute delight to witness. What about chronically ill children? Do they get better and better? I say yes. In fact, they get better faster. Chronically ill children may get sicker and sicker but they become better and better people through their suffering. No parent who's had a sick or dying child ever wished he'd never had the child. When our cousin was dying of leukemia, she had opportunity to share her beautiful personality with other dying children and their families. She was pure sunshine...she was so kind...that her parents continue to marvel and thank God to this day that they were chosen to parent this amazing child.
- I remember giving birth to my children. They were both c-sections. I don't know if it was a drop in blood pressure or the beginning of shock but, both times, I was overcome with a feeling of doom and a profound weakness. I couldn't even lift my arms as they brought my babies over to me. I looked at my children, kissed them, nuzzled them, loved them and had an inkling of what it would be like to die for them. And I had no problem with that. What other event in my life brings me closer to a Christ-like love such as this? Whom else would I be willing to die for? Doesn't this give me an appreciation for His love for me?
- Mother Theresa had a mother. So do mass murderers. While not all children are delightful, it cannot be denied that their impact upon their parents' lives has the potential to make the parents better people. I choose, in Christ's strength, to let my children's lives improve my character. I can think of no other pleasant experience that can be used of God to improve my character the way raising a child can.
- Oh, I've got to go back to dogs. I've had three dogs of my own, each sequentially. One replaced the other once I was done grieving. But there is no one in the world who can replace another person. If you lose a child, every unique experience, every wish, every dream, their entire future, not to mention their future family is wiped out forever. I've cried over dogs but the deep, horrible anguish of the loss of a child can hardly be borne. The parent grieves like that because they know that child can never be replaced. To be entrusted with this same child with an intact future, hopes and possibilities and to see them achieve all this is probably the greatest joy a person can ever experience.
- Well, since she's obviously afraid of suffering poverty, we discussed that, too. We've have several family members who had large families. As I observed them, I saw a pattern. I know this is anecdotal but it is my experience and I know what I saw. While their early years were filled with struggle, the latter years became increasingly easier. Not having stylish clothes became irrelevant when considering how there was always something to eat, some hand-me-downs from someone and enough for the bus. Eventually, big brother got a job and helped Dad fix the car, sister got a scholarship and was able to pay for someone's courses, having sisters and brothers meant there were always clothes to borrow for an interview, etc. Everything turned out. My own great-grandmother, mother of twelve and widow in her early sixties, lived out her life in relative ease. Her husband had been a barber and she had been a housewife. I can't imagine she even had much schooling but, when she died, she was a very comfortable woman. Did they save? Were they real estate tycoons on the side? No. It was a supernatural thing. I know God provided for them whether science can prove it or not.
We continued to talk by jumping from point to point like this and eventually got on the subject of what makes a good husband. I think that's a sign of progress!
But, the original question was, "Does having many children make you poor?" Unfortunately, my husband and I thought so at one point. We thought so to the point that we made sure we wouldn't have any more. Even though we haven't lost a child, we have lost many potential children as a result of this foolish decision and sensitivity to that is probably why my daughter's comments initially made me feel hurt and angry.As a couple, we've secretly mourned and the more we've enjoyed the children we have, the more we've realized what we threw away. God gave us a good command but we limited our obedience and paid a price. We accepted two diamonds worth a King's ransom but, in our "human wisdom", we threw away a treasure chest full of rare gems.
